I don’t remember the last time I knew anyone who switched from iOS to Android.
Or vice versa.
I don’t remember the last time an employee at a conveyor store told me they had met anyone who wanted to switch.
It is as if we are choosing operating systems like football teams. We decide who we love, and we stick to it.
However, Apple and Google do not give up hope that you will move on their side.
Last week, for example, Google quietly launched the Switch to Android iOS app. Can you believe that Apple allowed such a thing?
It must be something to do with antitrust legislation, I hear you grunt.
However, what would you imagine Google would say to encourage you to switch? So, I went to Google’s Switch to Android website and then to the Apple equivalent. Just to see how different they could be – or not be -.
Oh, just move your stuff.
Google is a strangely simplistic matter. She tries less convincing and assumes that’s what she wants to do.
The title announces “Move your stuff from iOS.” And then he offers barbs. Or what looks like barbs.
Sample: “With Android, you get the right help when you need it.” You mean with Apple, you don’t get any help of any kind, especially when you need it?
I have to go to the Android store at the local mall and let them know.
Other Google highlights: “round the clock security and new privacy tools. And Google apps that work together smarter.”
Some would suggest that Google’s sale of security and privacy is like British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s apparent sale of honesty and decency.
However, Google insists that it’s all easy and walks you through the relatively few steps. You get Google Drive, you back up your stuff, and you turn off iMessage.
Lordy, Apple must love hearing this on their App Store.
Finally, you sign in on your new phone.
From there, Google wants you to say “hello” to Android, enjoy the Google Assistant, and, oh, look for digital wellbeing tools.
Does Google consider that you might get some shock by leaving Apple behind?
Finally, the page concludes with features that make the world more accessible and an announcement that your Android phone will definitely have a battery that “works smarter and longer” than the dungheap iPhone you leave behind.
This is. This is the sale. This is a sale that is very different from an Apple sale.
it’s easy. It just works. It’s worth a few dollars.
Cupertino, of course, starts with the superlative: it’s very easy to switch to an iPhone.”
Note, too, that Apple doesn’t even take credit for the existence of Android. Well, not in the title.
Despite this, soon a completely different temptation comes along. Where Google tries to show you a few simple steps, Apple appeals to one of its – and presumably – favorite places. Your bank account.
Yes, there is a command: “Coming from an Android phone? You’ll see how easy it is to switch from the moment you turn on your new iPhone. There’s a step-by-step walkthrough to get started, an app that transfers your photos, and more.”
But there is this: “You can even exchange your old smartphone for a credit.”
Do you think people don’t know this, Apple? Oh, I understand. You just think that people are always motivated by the possibility of criticism.
So, Apple’s steps are a touch different from Google’s steps.
They start with “Transfer your photos and contacts in a few simple steps.”
But swipe then, and you’ll instantly get: “You can get up to $160 off an Android smartphone.”
Really Apple? Do you think that the wonderful and revolutionary human compatibility of the iPhone is not enough? You have the dirtiness of your playing field with profit?
Please wait, there is more. Apple offers support by calling, chatting, or Tweeting. But then we’re back to: “Buy in-store or online.” Along with tease that Apple “can set up your carrier and plan too.”
Stand there, cockleighs. I thought it was about persuasion, not selling.
Only after all this selling can you get some product temptations. Next comes: “If you want a phone that lasts, this is it.”
Subconscious thought: “Android phones are fake and flimsy and won’t last.”
Privacy? Yeah okay. But what about money?
Here’s what one English newspaper might call shocking. Only after the big scroll does Apple come up with its signature topic: privacy.
How strange it is that Google had more privacy earlier in its compelling arsenal than Apple.
Also unlike Google, Apple won’t stop. Keep scrolling, and you’ll get “Everything just works” with “Earth won’t wait. We won’t wait.”
But we had to wait a very long time for this message to arrive.
I thought this page showed me how easy it is to switch, Apple. However, you are in danger of going on and on until the ground thaws and wilts.
“Yes,” Apple replies. “But don’t forget that our cameras are great.”
No, this is not a quote. It’s just an introduction to the next part. Oh my gosh, I spent less time buying a phone in the Apple Store than it takes to go through this switch page.
This is not only the greatest songs, it is the complete list. Next, come to the new Apple Slides, FaceTime, Messages, the App Store and even a suggestion that you should pick the iPhone you want right away. Buy now.
And that’s not all.
Finally – I prayed – were more trading temptations: Trade-In selling again and promotion programme.
Apple says at the end: “Still have questions? Just ask.”
I only have one: “Why?”